at the White House

今日は、先日の White House Correspondents' Dinner でのスピーチからの表現です。

I would say it is an honor to be here, but that would be alternative fact. It is not. Uh, no one wanted to do this. So, of course, it lands in the hands of an immigrant. That’s how it always goes down. No one wanted this gig. No one.
Don Rickles died just so you wouldn’t ask him to do this gig, all right? RIP to Don Rickles, the only Donald with skin thick enough to take a joke like that. RIP to the legend.

For the record, the WHCA is a group of journalists; they are not King Joffrey's goons.
I am so glad you are all here to honor a great American tradition because we all know this administration loves deleting history faster than Anthony Weiner when he hears footsteps. So thank you for being here.

We gotta address the elephant that’s not in the room. The leader of our country is not here. And that’s because he lives in Moscow. It is a very long flight. It’d be hard for Vlad to make it. Vlad can’t just make it on a Saturday. It’s a Saturday.
As for the other guy, I think he’s in Pennsylvania because he can't take a joke. Now, for the nine people watching on C-SPAN, there also was another elephant in the room, but Donald Trump Jr. shot it and cut off its tail.

I get why Donald Trump didn’t want to be roasted tonight. By the looks of him, he has been roasting nonstop for the past 70 years.

He tweets at 3 a.m. sober. Who is tweeting at 3 a.m. sober? Donald Trump. Because it’s 10 a.m. in Russia; those are business hours.

Frederick Douglass isn’t here, and that’s because he’s dead. Someone please tell the president.

an alternative fact 代替の真実(=本当のことを言いましょうか。ちょっと違うんです)
it is not. (=ぜーんぜん、違います!)
immigrant 移民
WHCA The White House Communications Agency ホワイトハウス記者協会
gig スピーチ
it lands in the hands of immigrant. (移民の私におはちが回ってきたんです)
RIP Rest in peace 「安らかに眠れ」
goon 用心棒
Anthony Weiner 性的スキャンダルで政界を追放された政治家
Vlad プーチン大統領
C-SPAN 政治中継をするケーブルテレビ局
roasted ジョークのネタにされる
sober しらふ